


I'm not ready to say good night (I can't sleep)

by collecting__stardust



Series: Fear of separation [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, i am so sorry idk why how it turned out like this, my writing is rusty as hell, plus i apologize beforehand if this is crappy since i haven't write anything for years, seungmin has separation anxiety, this is a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22544920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collecting__stardust/pseuds/collecting__stardust
Summary: In which Seungmin has the ability to see the red string of fate which leads him to have a constant fear of the day that Hyunjin leaves him
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: Fear of separation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086422
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	I'm not ready to say good night (I can't sleep)

**Author's Note:**

> This title and story is from Eyelids by PVRIS. Actually I only thought of writing a fic where Seungmin has separation anxiety but somehow I managed to get the idea tangled with the soulmate setting so yeah, it sure turned out different than what I expected it to be. I am sorry if this sucks since I haven't write anything since December last year so my writing is kind of rusty. ><

Sleepless nights are not a foreign thing to Seungmin anymore. In fact, he should have expected all of this long ago. His tired eyes stare at the wall clock that is placed by the door. It is 4.00 a.m. now which means that he still has a whole four hours to try to get a much needed sleep.

Yet he knows that no matter how many efforts he puts, it is unlikely that he will be able to.

He turns to his side and looks at the serene face of his husband. Hyunjin has always looked beautiful in whatever he does. Sometimes, Seungmin wonders what he had done in his past life to be able to have a chance with someone as perfect as him. But whatever it is, it is not enough to make him able to really declare Hyunjin as the person made for him. Because after all, they are not a match that fate has given blessing to.

Hwang Hyunjin is not Kim Seungmin’s soulmate. Seungmin is well aware of this fate ever since they first meet yet he lets his desire blinds him. It is all seems fair enough that he is paying the price now.

Seungmin has the ability to see the red string of fate, which connects someone to the person meant for them. He does not know if this ability of his is a gift or a curse. He does use his ability for good such as giving advices to his friends who is running for the person that is not meant for them to stop chasing after the person their hearts yearn for. It seems like a terrible advice but he only wants to prevent them from facing an unnecessary heartbreak.

Still, there are people who do not take his advice and he witnesses how they actually had a few strong years before eventually parting ways. Some even get into engagement and even though it is painful to see how they are trying to piece their broken hearts later on, Seungmin finds himself envy them.

They all are not afraid to love someone even when the future is uncertain. They let their love blossoms in their chest without knowing the consequences they will face. But Seungmin fears of getting his heart torn just because he ends up falling for the person that fate does not choose for him. This fear of him leads himself to wait for fate to let him cross path with his soulmate.

Years passed by and his patience begin to run thin. He gets tired of waiting and that is when he meets Hwang Hyunjin – the first person that he lets greed to take over him.

They meet at a coffee shop on a rainy day. On that meaningful day, Seungmin just wants to take shelter from the pouring rain and Hyunjin is just a barista who is currently waiting for his shift to end. It is not hard for them to get engage in a conversation since there are hardly other customers around due to the terrible weather.

By the end of the day, Seungmin ends up with a new phone number to be added into his contacts and familiar warmth in his chest. Yet his mood is damped almost quickly the moment he notices that Hyunjin’s string is so far away from his when the barista waves him goodbye.

They somehow ended crossing path frequently and it is getting harder for Seungmin to ignore his feelings towards the handsome dance student. He also finds himself thinking of the person at the end of his string but he cannot help himself from longing after his crush. He wants to be happy and he does not want to wait any longer to experience the art of loving and be loved by someone even when he knows that their relationship may not last.

The moment Hyunjin confesses to him during the summer festival a year after they meet, he does not hesitate to accept it.

He actually expects them to last approximately five years yet they somehow still remain strong. There are bad days of course but it never gotten so terrible until it affects their relationship. Hyunjin is faithful and caring and he always ready to give in during a fight even when Seungmin is in the wrong side. Maybe it is the first sign given to him to break it off.

But Seungmin is a greedy man so when Hyunjin proposes to him on one knee during an event he plans with his dance crew; he lets his selfish side to say yes. When Hyunjin walks over to him with unshed tears in his eyes at the positive response he receives and kisses him in front of the audience, Seungmin lets euphoria overshadow the guilt that is slowly creeping into his heart.

It feels weird how fate still lets him be happy with someone that is not supposed to be with him. Perhaps it is all thanks to his patience for waiting for his soulmate those years back. Still, no comforting words he mutters to himself can ease the guilt for being with the person that is not supposed to be with him.

Seungmin ends up asking his fiancé the question that has been tormenting his mind a week before his marriage.

“Hyunjin, do you think that love can overcome fate?”

The smile Hyunjin gives him is so sincere and full of love that it makes Seungmin’s heart ache.

“Sure, if they are willing to.”

“Then will you?”

“Of course. After all, love makes people do crazy things and for you, my love, I will do more than that.”

That answer he receives is the final push for him to end the doubt that prevents him from reciting his vow at the altar.

They are the picture perfect couple that everyone envies. He is a rising photographer that has been receiving recognition from famous photographers all around the world and his husband is a part of the one of the best dance crew in the history of South Korea. Still, Seungmin finds himself scared whenever the day draws close to an end from the thought that it may be the last day they will hold that title.

Hyunjin’s love towards him never cease despite their long years together. Their kisses still hold a burning passion like it did when their lips are still foreign to each other. Seungmin can still see the undying love in his gaze whenever they make eye contacts. Despite them all, he feels suffocated that there will come a moment when all of those died away when Hyunjin finally crosses path with the person that should have been in his place all these times.

With every passing second, his fear grows until he cannot brush it away anymore. With every approval he gives Hyunjin whenever he is asked to take their relationship a step higher, he has created a monster in him that tortures him with guilt for taking somebody else’s place and dread over the ending of their relationship. He is not aware of this monster because he is too blinded by the greed that clouded his mind and now he is paying the consequences of his action.

They end up fighting frequently even from the slightest matter and even when Hyunjin is still the first to wave the white flag, it is obvious that he is getting tired of it. Seungmin is aware of this yet he cannot relent to the fact that it is his doubt that is slowly tearing them apart.

After all Hyunjin has always been too perfect for him that it makes his insecurity able to point out his flaws easier.

His insomnia worsens since the day Hyunjin brings him to one of the parties he is invited to. Hyunjin proudly introduces him as his husband to all his acquaintances that it is enough to convince Seungmin that he deserves to hold that title like it belongs to him.

It all shatters the moment he meets the last person he is introduced to – Yang Jeongin. Jeongin is a singer that Hyunjin meets through one of his many friends and Seungmin may have been awed by the beautiful smile the younger man had if it is not for the dread that tugs at his heart.

Because when he accepts the hand Jeongin holds out for a handshake, he can clearly see the red string of fate on the latter’s right pinky ends on his husband’s left pinky.

A tear slips out from Seungmin’s eyes as he watches how Hyunjin’s chest rises and falls in his sleep. They have another two days ago and Hyunjin’s face looks weary when Seungmin raises his voice.

“I don’t know why Seungmin but I can hardly understand you now. Is it something that I do to make you distance yourself from me?”

The pain in Hyunjin’s handsome face is prominent as he stares at him.

“Please, can you tell me what is bothering you so that we can solve it together?”

Seungmin does not remember how they make up in the end but he remembers that he cries a lot that day. He has always known that he never deserves Hyunjin’s kindness and willingness to accept someone as imperfect as him when he truly belongs to someone much better than him. Yet he is greedy and does not wish to let go of him either.  
Will Hyunjin ever forgives him if he knows about his selfishness all along? Maybe he will because he never forgets to remind him just how much he means to him. After all, Hyunjin has told him of his willingness to overcome fate so that they can be together.

Then the only person to be blamed is just himself. His selfishness ends up hurting not only him but Hyunjin too. In the end, it is himself who is not strong enough to overcome fate for his love towards Hyunjin. Maybe this is the reason why they are able to last this long – this is his punishment for being ignorant to what fate has laid for him even when he is aware of it all along.

Will his own soulmate accept him if they ever meet? After all, he is the one who lets himself get tangled in this mess in the first place. If only he has a little bit more patience and faith towards the person fate had chosen for him, he will not have in this misery that is created by his own hands.

Perhaps one day he is able to have courage to take his own advice and end it himself. Or perhaps Hyunjin may have gotten tired of him first and ends up with Jeongin who is the person that he owes this position to. Or perhaps, in another twist of fate, he will be able to fight this monster in him and loves Hyunjin without anything holding him back and they will have an everlasting happy ending. And maybe, just maybe, if things did come to an end, he will finally meet the person at the end of his string and finally be able to love someone without any fear.

He wishes he knows what the future has for him. Until the moment comes, he will live with this sinking feeling in his chest every day, pondering if this will be the last time Hyunjin will look at him like he is the universe.


End file.
